16 May 2012 No Comments
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My friend Shanon has a blog called Cover This. Here’s the gist: singers make a request for songs, Shanon chooses said song, and the singers have two weeks to cover it and send it in for submission to the blog. I took the plunge with my good friend Leo, here is the result:
Needless to say, it was a blast. And I’m chomping at the bit to do a second song. OK, Shanon, I’m ready!
08 May 2012 No Comments
Posted under Uncategorized Tags: Brene Brown, presentations, psychology, TED
I attended TEDxPDX two weeks ago and during the day was introduced to a talk by Brene Brown a PhD who studies shame, fear, connection, and vulnerability. This talk is changing my life and couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time for me both professionally and personally. I urge everyone to watch and listen to Brene speak about this most important of subjects; not only for the incredible content which we all can glean benefit, but also for her honest and heartfelt delivery style. I’m speaking to all the presenters of the world out there – watch, listen, and learn from her.
For now, suffice to say I’m battling internal demons related to the subjects which Brene studies and speaks about during this 20 minute presentation. Why is it that I feel I have to be perfect in life? Why should it matter if I fall down, or mess things up, or embarrass myself? Why is risk so difficult for me? Why do I have such a tough time just feeling my emotions, putting myself out there with my mask removed and letting others see the real me? Why is it so damn hard to ask for what I need and want from others? Where does all that fear reside, how do I tap into it, and move beyond it? These are the big questions I am now confronting. The path I’m treading feels dark, lonely, replete with giant holes, and most terrifying of all without end. I’m working on uncovering those things which prevent me from living, loving, and experiencing life in a wholehearted way. I want to feel more connection to those around me, friends and loved ones. I want to embrace the messiness of life, relish in it, and not let it prevent me from risk, love, nurturing, and acceptance of myself.
10 Apr 2012 No Comments
Posted under Uncategorized Tags: daydreaming, hawai'i, travel
Aloha. I’ve been back from the magical island for two weeks, and only just now stopped looking at my photos from the trip. I’m continually daydreaming and fantasizing about the place, “How soon can I return?”, “Could I finagle a job there?”, “Cost of living, schmost of living!”. I do believe that having resided at the 45th parallel for the past 10 years has (almost) irrevocably damaged my gene for depression abatement; I need to see the sun more often. As soon as my body exited the jet-way and I was hit with the 78 degree tropical air I could feel myself settle down and settle in to a different rhythm. Not wearing socks for an entire week also helped.
When we left Portland it was snowing. Did I mention it was the third week of March? We’d had the wettest, coldest spring I could remember and saying goodbye to it (even for just 7 days) was an act of joy for my icy-cold interior.
Visiting the islands of Hawai’i always resets my biology. The body wakes, eats, sleeps, and feels pleasure when it needs to and doesn’t adhere to a fixed schedule. Having been raised in a much warmer climate (Florida) I’m reminded of the Lion’s Lament from Nick Park’s Creature Comforts:
Much like the Lion, high on the daydreaming list these days has been, “How much longer do I need to/have to stay in Portland?” To be sure, Portland is an amazing city in which to live. We’ve got top-notch food, friends, beer, music, a politically savvy culture, reverence for the environment, a good standard of living, and did I mention the beer? Still, I’m cold eight months a year. I’m becoming aware that a big part of me is itching for a change after all this time. The realization of a new place to call home will take some time and planning, most likely 10 more years due to familial obligations. Then, however, I’m free to make a beeline for … Sayulita? San Diego? Sydney? Chang Mai? The absolute best part of this dream is needing to visit each of those places to reconnoiter and scout! When can I start booking my plane tickets?
Dear reader: Where do you fantasize about living if it isn’t where you currently reside? What are you doing to make it your reality? What do you do for yourself in the interim to satisfy your needs for living elsewhere?
Mahalo for reading.
09 Jan 2012 No Comments
Posted under Uncategorized Tags: dating, life, personal, yoga
2012. I’ve been around the sun 40 times and counting. I must admit, I feel healthier now than I have ever felt in my entire life. The lifestyle choices we make profoundly influence our mental health, and I am realizing how my time spent in the gym has been a great solace over these past few years. I attribute my (somewhat) graceful entry into the second half of my life to the positive, thoughtful ways I choose to treat my body and mind.
Yoga. What an incredible journey I’m on here. Having found a terrific guide in my practice, and with supportive friends accompanying me, it’s the one hour a week I most look forward to; I’m forever grateful for my practice. In the past I’d often considered myself incapable of the level of fitness I’ve achieved; which is why I’m astounded at how far I’ve come – and at my age, no less. I look to other women athletes now and think how I too am getting there one day at a time. The philosophical teachings of yoga that include being present in the moment, breath work, paying attention to your body, and working where you are right now are the most important lessons we can master. I watch my son embody these lessons without even thinking about them and wish he could hold onto it forever.
Dating. It’s interesting when you’re 40, certainly far superior to when I was in my 20s. I’ve met and continue to meet fascinating, wonderful people who excite and interest me in a variety of ways. I’ve concluded that, as an extrovert, I crave the presence of other people in my life. I need to have a full life with friends who satisfy me in myriad ways. It is difficult to imagine finding one person with whom I can share everything with; I believe this was my mistake the first time around – too high of an expectation for something that is unattainable. I’m much more realistic in what I seek now, and have become more honest with myself and with those in my life. It’s difficult, to be sure, however it is what I need and deserve out of life. What does it mean to always want to be the chaser and not the chased?
Looking ahead. One thing I meditate on these days is *not* looking ahead, trying to keep focused on today, this moment, this feeling right now. That said, it’s only human to try and ponder what tomorrow brings. I have good things planned for this year including travel with my son, and going home to see my aging parents. I managed to survive the holiday season unscathed, though it was much more difficult than I had anticipated. I emerged stronger. I feel proud of myself. It’s good to be me in the place where I am today.
12 Oct 2011 No Comments
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Today I presented at the ASTD Cascadia Chapter’s annual conference for one of the concurrent sessions. It was an honor (and frankly, quite a surprise) to have my RFP selected several months ago amongst all the other candidates who also submitted. This was a slimmed-down version of my half-day workshop on Effective Presentations, of which I am very proud. I spend lots of time thinking, questioning, and researching new and innovative methods of speaking and presenting. I guess you could say I’ve joined the ranks of the uber-geeks in that way.
The turn out was phenomenal, close to 85 people were in my session, more than I had expected. All technology and demos went swimmingly, except for the S-L-O-W internet speeds (thank you, Salem Conference Center), but no matter, we plugged on. Many, many attendees approached me afterwards to thank me and tell me how practical and informative my talk was, and what a great speaker they thought me to be. I was flattered and thankful.
This time last year, when I attended the annual conference I came home feeling like the whole two days was a sheer waste of time. I felt I had outgrown the need for ASTD events, and that I wasn’t learning anything new. I vowed to not return. After a few months of consideration, however, I decided I had two choices: 1) not return 2) return as a presenter and contribute something positive to the event and make a difference. I’m so glad I chose the latter. Each speaking engagement makes me more and more comfortable in my skin and my career choice. Each time I get a nice compliment and thanks it reminds me why I’m in the field that I’m in and how good it feels to make a difference in someone’s day.
All afternoon I overheard folks talking about points I had made, statistics I had shown them, or quoting lines from my presentation. How awesome is that?
To cap it off, I’ve been asked by a Board member and former Chapter president to present a longer more detailed version of this same presentation at the next Monthly Meeting. How exciting.
02 Oct 2011 No Comments
Posted under Uncategorized
This year has been fraught with changes for me and as a result I’m having to reevaluate my life at the tender age of 40. At first I wasn’t sure how to approach my new life and the multitude of changes presented to me. At first I found myself melancholy most of the time, worried about how I would cope with the uncertainty of everything and wishing things were back the way they used to be, even though I knew I was much more unhappy then. But it was SAFE then. I understood the EXPECTATIONS of then. THEN was my comfort zone.
One day I got some really good advice: “When you are overcome with emotion and trying to figure things out (intellectually) just be in the worry/fear/sadness, really BE in it not with your head, with your heart and emotions. Then as you move through it and come out the other side you will learn that you can face it and it will teach you things about yourself that you didn’t know – the intellectual realization of how to cope comes from facing our shit head-on”. What I’ve come to realize is that in my life, depression and prolonged sadness comes from not ever facing those fears and worries enough to understand what I’m made of and how I respond to life. I wasn’t only NOT talking about those fears/worries with my partner, I wasn’t talking about them with MYSELF! These fears and worries will continue to haunt us until we realize that confronting them is the ONLY way to move past them. Simple idea, DIFFICULT to achieve. So, I’m not in pursuit of “achievement”; rather I’m taking a zen approach in that this whole process is a journey. A journey that requires switchbacks, retracing of steps, running, crawling, and maybe worm-hole travel through the nasty.
How best to move on from the past, then? I don’t want to be doomed to repeating my mistakes or making poor choices in my future. I’m still scared of being alone, however not nearly as much as I was two months ago and in reality, I doubt this fear is unique to those only in my situation. I’m in pursuit of self-realization and knowledge of who I really am. What will truly make me happy? What do I want out of life? How can I move on and be the best person I can be and be true to myself.
On the plus side, I feel like I’ve got the parenting thing figured out. It took several years, and lots of mistakes, and yet I feel closer to my son than I ever have before. We are connected in such a profound way and as he gets older I grow to love and appreciate all facets of him. I think these same realizations can apply equally to dating and romantic partnerships, too. I read a terrific quote recently, “The purpose of a relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don’t. And love them for that. That’s what real loving is.” This is my new mantra on everyone in my life: friends, romantic partners, my son, and most importantly, me.
25 Sep 2011 No Comments
Posted under Uncategorized
Meet Blouse. The best of New Order, The Cure, The Cocteau Twins, and The Sugarcubes all rolled into one.
They kick-ass.
22 Sep 2011 No Comments
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Their computers “read” 5 million books and 500 Billion words so you don’t have to! These are remarkably advanced math achievements, and for users, a terrific way to kill some time. I tried out the N-grams program for myself (and who wouldn’t, really?) and after I queried my name (hehe) I typed in “internet” which showed an interesting result: a small spike occurred in printed books for that word in the years between 1900 and 1910, I wonder why? Any ideas?
13 Sep 2011 No Comments
Posted under Uncategorized Tags: homework, kids, teaching
My son turned seven in July and has begun his 2nd grade year. For him that means regular homework for the first time in his educational life. He is extremely excited about the prospect, however, as all of his older buddies get homework nightly and now he feels like a big kid, “school is for real this year, Mom”. We sat down together to tackle said homework after our dinner this evening and on the whole it was a good experience, however, he has a tendency to slip into frustration if at first attempt he cannot figure something out. This manifests in him sitting at the table, staring at the page, not saying anything, and just waiting.. waiting.. waiting. Upon a little investigation, I ascertained that he was stuck and offered to help a little. It’s a fine line for a parent; we want our children to succeed and feel a sense of personal accomplishment and yet still need to assist them in learning new concepts. How to do this without giving away the right answer on the one hand or letting them slide down into “giving up” on the other? We’re both learning, obviously.
I’ve seen progress from last year, however, when he would simply throw his pen/pencil down in frustration when he didn’t understand something and start to cry. Thankfully, no tears tonight. Though twice it just felt like he wanted to give up and not try any longer. I take this as a sign of maturity from age 6 to 7, that he is more confident in himself, which makes me feel good about his personal growth. After all, isn’t that what the younger grades are all about anyway? As a professional educator (albeit with adults), this is proving especially interesting as my own little experiment. I want to support him in his growth and challenges (as an educator) and help him solve problems (as a parent). I’m trying to remember what I know about experiential learning, letting the learner fail, and scaffolding from my work life. I’m just not so sure it translates to children in the same way. It will be interesting to see how this year unfolds.
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